Anony Sufi

I’ve gone AWOL.  Life has gotten me busy.

A lot has changed since I started this blog.  If it’s not one test, it’s another.

“God does not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear: in his favour shall be whatever good he does, and against him whatever evil he does.

“O our Sustainer! Take us not to task if we forget or unwittingly do wrong!

“O our Sustainer! Lay not upon us a burden such as Thou didst lay upon those who lived before us!* O our Sustainer! Make us not bear burdens which we have no strength to bear!

“And efface Thou our sins, and grant us forgiveness, and bestow Thy mercy upon us! Thou art our Lord Supreme: succour us, then, against people who deny the truth!” (Qur’an 2:286)

These are some of my favorite verses from the Qur’an, though sometimes in the midst of trials it is difficult to remember and hold on to these words.  You feel like you’re in a dark tunnel and you don’t even see the light at the end.  That’s probably the biggest trial- not knowing when it’ll be over.  It’s much more bearable if you know a week from now it’ll be done with, but where there is no end in sight, it’s so much easier to lose hope.

I ask Allah for hope.  And trust.

Of course it’s not always trials.  Even though a little over a year ago I was going through one of the biggest trials of my life, the past few months have been the happiest for me (despite the hiccups).  Allah blessed me with an amazing companion in the most beautiful of ways.

Tawakkul (Reliance on God) is probably my biggest weakness.  I never learn, though Allah has been so gracious to end my tribulations, and maybe that’s why Allah does not give me the light at the end– because He wants me to learn to trust Him, no matter how dark it is.

And so we fluctuate in our faith.  One day we feel like we’re the best Traveler and ready for the next challenge.  The next day may be one that is difficult.  This behooves us to reflect on why that is and how to come to terms.

Anony Sufi

One of the purposes, or rather means, of tasawwuf (Sufism) is to learn to train your nafs (base self). You must learn to avoid those things that Allah does not like and engage in those things that pleases Allah. This takes a lot of self control and, depending on the situation, tawakkul (reliance on Allah). It is the inner struggle. In this month of Ramadan, a month of mercy, forgiveness, and worship, this is especially accentuated.

I had to make a sacrifice, hopefully only a temporary one. I can’t say how good it feels. As difficult as it may have been, I can already feel the baraka (spiritual blessing). At this point I can only pray that Allah blesses my intention and opens a door for something that does please Him. Despite the difficulty, I feel at ease and I pray that in a matter of time, the fruits of the sacrifice will bear fruit.

Oh Allah, bless us, have mercy on us, and forgive us in this month of Ramadan. You have opened the doors of paradise, locked away the devil, and showered your mercy on us. Allow us not to fall into a state of ingratitude, though we may be blind to Your countless blessings. Let us make the most benefit of this Ramadan and even though we be are so unworthy, rain your blessings on us even if we do not take advantage of this month. And finally, please let us live another year to see the next Ramadan. Ameen.

Anony Sufi

Our shaykh says that the hadra is for polishing the heart.

Allaha Allah Allaha…

Everyone in unison bowing. You need not look, but only feel.

Allaha Allah Allah…

Sometimes I have a hard time trying to focus on Allah. Think of Allah, think of Allah. Do not be distracted. Concentrate.

I took the advice of someone I know; paint a picture.

The Beloved                                                       My Shaykh

Allah

Ka’aba                                                            Prostration

Ma’rifa Fana’ Baqa’

Those who came before. Those present around me. Those yet to come.

TaHarqiiqqaa

Allaha Allah Allaha….

My eyes started to swell with tears.

Allaha Allah Allaha…

I thought of a dream I once had a few years ago of the Prophet (peace be upon him). I was in a quiet room and on the opposite side there he was with two men speaking to him. He was not paying attention to them, but looking at me with a straight face.

Allaha Allah Allah…

Before a trip to ‘umrah, I dreamed of my group circumbulating the Ka’ba and I saw the Prophet towering over us, but he was covered in a white cloak so I could not see him.

Allah Allah Allah…

My soul was fighting to escape my body. The tears were fighting to leave my eyes.

My hands started to tingle and the sensation started to go up my arms.

I juxtaposed the dreams and finally understood.

What the Sufis mean by Veils. The Veils between the Seeker and the One being sought.

ALLAH

Anony Sufi

Do not forget that joining the tariqa is not about becoming one of “us” or “them” or coming to a sense of belonging or finding your place in this world. The tariqa is a journey to God and nothing else. Meeting people, networking, feeling apart of something bigger are extra perks perhaps, but if those were to disappear, the purpose of being in the tariqa would not be diminished.

It is difficult not to have one’s dua not answered in times of tribulation.  You make the dua for weeks, months, maybe even years.  After awhile, the dua becomes half-baked.  You do it only mechanically and kind of just for the sake of doing so.  I look to my inner self: am I committing sin?  Is my food and income halal?  I don’t think I’m committing any major sins.  I mean I’m not perfect but I’ve made many changes in my life alhamdulillah.  I’ve quit music, switched zabiha/halal meat, and more.  I know there’s a wisdom, I know every dua counts, but sometimes one gets disheartened, especially in times of true necessity and fear.  *sigh*

Anony Sufi

The climax of a trial hit me hard last night.  There are somethings in life you expect to happen, but the question is when?  So yesterday I got a smack upside the head with a difficult trial.  Alhamdulillah, I think over all I am handling it pretty well.  I haven’t broken my Forty Grand as a result of the trial, as angry as I may be inside.. maybe this Sufi stuff really works

Duas.

Anony Sufi

Subhanallah, I am really having a hard time dealing with others. Perhaps, ,since I am focusing more on my suluk, my awareness has been heightened.  Does anyone have any advice?  I mean how do you do it?  How do you just deal with it?  I can easily be calm on the outside, I’m certainly good at that.  But in the inside, it’s just an awful mess.

Moreover, when I mean dealing with others, I’m talking about real issues.  I’m not talking about pety things like oh this person chews with their mouth open, or are slightly rude sometimes, or does things in a way that annoys me- I mean things like conflict amongst each other that is real and hurts those around them, that sort of thing.  I was sitting in a gathering where my Shaykh was speaking about this issue- oh Allah, I felt he was directly speaking to me.  He said it… when people do things that annoy you, don’t let it get to you, he said.  Just remember your own faults and do dhikr.  But in the end, don’t let the silly actions of others get in the way of your path to Allah… Quite a hefty duty if you ask me.  Insha’Allah, in due time…

I’m really glad I’ll be living on my own now for awhile.  This will give me a good chance insha’Allah to be able to reflect on myself and how I can deal with it.  It’s more easy to control my nafs that way and once I have a hold on my nafs, hopefully I can deal with others in a more… easy manner?

Allah knows best.

Anony Sufi

I find that dealing with other people can be just as difficult as dealing with your nafs sometimes.  It goes without saying though, that the two are probably inter-related.

Sometimes people leave a mess around the place, or jump in the shower even though you are the one who turned the water heater on and have been waiting for the water to heat, or perhaps go into your room to get something in your absence that you purposely left in your room so that no one would touch it.

You feel stomped on, as though someone people are not considering you.  Sometimes it is done maliciously, sometimes it is not.  Asking that your space not be invaded or keeping the place can are certainly my right yet I can’t seem to approach the issue.  I don’t think it’s just so nafsi that I should have particular rights of mine observed by others (particularly keeping the place clean, especially not liking that dishes pile up in the kitchen for days!)  No one likes drama.  How does one deal with this?  Is putting up a sign asking to clean the place not enough?  Should I feel hurt that someone alters the message in such way that to mock me ‘do not leave a mess’ and someone erases the ‘not’).  How does one remain calm, does not come off as some of clean control freak, and keep that inner peace?

However, at the end of the day, I remember how I too may annoy people on some level or another.  Maybe not as a big a deal, but still, I am not perfect.  Perhaps I too have trudged on someone else’s right without realizing it.  In the end,  the person I am most annoyed and disappointed with is myself- for not always considering other people and not being able to just deal with my nafs and other people in a manner that is fitting.

Anony Sufi