Ever since having joined the Sufi order, I’ve had many “openings” alhamdulillah. Things got tough, but at the same time, many doors were opened to me. Concerning those tough times, had I not had a shaykh, an order, some sort of guidance, I don’t know what I would have done.
I am the ungrateful servant whom God continues to bless and I continue to remain in my ghafla. God opens a door and I give nothing but a small thanks and carry on. How can I claim love and gratitutde in complete and utter heedlessness.
I remember once I had a dream with the Prophet (peace be upon him). Usually, people would be elated, but I was sad. We were in a room and he was at a distance from me. Two men were talking to him but he was only paying attention to me; he looked rather disappointed in me.
I am better than nobody. Not a single soul. It is true many brothers do not have beards, many sisters do not wear hijab, many Muslims engage things contrary to the sunnah. But I am worse than them! I am worse because God sent me scholars to study with, allowed them to share their texts and knowledge with me, He sent me a spiritual guide, He blessed me with knowledge and a clear mind. Had such people been given the same experiences, they would be better than I! Yet, I remain ungrateful. I obey my nafs. Oh the difference between what I offer and what He offers!
Sometimes I want to cry out of fear, out of longing, but I fear that all I will shed nothing but crocodile tears. I am unworthy to even lament due to my possible insincerity.
Oh Allah, I complain to you of my weakness. Though I am unworthy, do not even shun me due to my heedlessness. Keep me in Your gaze and continue to elevate me so that I may be beloved to You.
Anony Sufi
Abdur Rahman Said:
on November 17, 2006 at 3:06 am
Salaams
Oh Anony Sufi….I know exactly how you feel!
Amin to your dua too
Your brother,
Abdur Rahman
irving Said:
on November 17, 2006 at 12:21 pm
Amin to your dua, brother. Your heartfelt post speaks for all of us who struggle on the path. My Master says that it takes twelve years to finish the first step on the path, so do not despair of Allah’s love or mercy. He loves your struggle also, and your efforts to get up every time you fall. Slowly, slowly, progress is made. I never knew the definition of he word “slowly” until I became a darvish lol.
Ya Haqq!
Bin Said Said:
on December 25, 2006 at 12:08 pm
Salam. Allah Ta’ala says in the Holy Quran “Laa taqnatu min rahmatillah. Inna Allaha yarghfiru dzunuuba jamia’an. Innahu huwal ghafuurur rahim”.
Do not despair of Allah’s mercy. Verily Allah forgives all sin. Indeed Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.
SadaqAllahul azhiim
Taufiq Khalid Said:
on January 3, 2007 at 8:22 am
Hullo Anony Sufi,
Yup, its tough. But it is beautiful. Like a neverending love story, with the drama, the tears, the joy, the hero, the CGI effects, the heroin, the last minute salvation. All mankind experience the bitter sweet sorrow of separation. But you, you lucky guy actually realises this. That we are only bit actors in the love story between Ahad and Ahmad. But never has someone so insignificant count so much in Their eyes…
As to those ‘anti-sufis’ or ‘anti-tasawwuf’, they are there by decree to resist and oppose the shaykh. That doesn’t make them particularly significant. For there is no real darkness. Only the absence of light.
Good luck keeping close to your shaykh!
Bye.