Archive for August, 2006

Trials

{ August 30, 2006 @ 10:58 pm } · { Dilemmas of the Soul, My State }
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The climax of a trial hit me hard last night.  There are somethings in life you expect to happen, but the question is when?  So yesterday I got a smack upside the head with a difficult trial.  Alhamdulillah, I think over all I am handling it pretty well.  I haven’t broken my Forty Grand as a result of the trial, as angry as I may be inside.. maybe this Sufi stuff really works :)

Duas.

Anony Sufi

Getting the Hang of It

{ August 19, 2006 @ 11:22 am } · { My State, The Journey }
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Alhamdulillah! Thank God.  I’m finally being consistent in my worship, including my wird.  I even started taking on another wird (hizb al-bahr).  I think this time around I will complete the Forty Grand insha’Allah.  The struggle is becoming less and less and it is slowly just becoming a part of me.

I put a little mini-musalla in my living room and put some incense around it and left some oils so that before I pray I can smell my best.  This is quite exciting. :)

Anony Sufi

Trials of Others, con’t

{ August 10, 2006 @ 7:56 pm } · { Dilemmas of the Soul, The Journey }
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Subhanallah, I am really having a hard time dealing with others. Perhaps, ,since I am focusing more on my suluk, my awareness has been heightened.  Does anyone have any advice?  I mean how do you do it?  How do you just deal with it?  I can easily be calm on the outside, I’m certainly good at that.  But in the inside, it’s just an awful mess.

Moreover, when I mean dealing with others, I’m talking about real issues.  I’m not talking about pety things like oh this person chews with their mouth open, or are slightly rude sometimes, or does things in a way that annoys me- I mean things like conflict amongst each other that is real and hurts those around them, that sort of thing.  I was sitting in a gathering where my Shaykh was speaking about this issue- oh Allah, I felt he was directly speaking to me.  He said it… when people do things that annoy you, don’t let it get to you, he said.  Just remember your own faults and do dhikr.  But in the end, don’t let the silly actions of others get in the way of your path to Allah… Quite a hefty duty if you ask me.  Insha’Allah, in due time…

I’m really glad I’ll be living on my own now for awhile.  This will give me a good chance insha’Allah to be able to reflect on myself and how I can deal with it.  It’s more easy to control my nafs that way and once I have a hold on my nafs, hopefully I can deal with others in a more… easy manner?

Allah knows best.

Anony Sufi

Your Nafs and Others

{ August 1, 2006 @ 4:50 am } · { Dilemmas of the Soul, My State, The Journey }
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I find that dealing with other people can be just as difficult as dealing with your nafs sometimes.  It goes without saying though, that the two are probably inter-related.

Sometimes people leave a mess around the place, or jump in the shower even though you are the one who turned the water heater on and have been waiting for the water to heat, or perhaps go into your room to get something in your absence that you purposely left in your room so that no one would touch it.

You feel stomped on, as though someone people are not considering you.  Sometimes it is done maliciously, sometimes it is not.  Asking that your space not be invaded or keeping the place can are certainly my right yet I can’t seem to approach the issue.  I don’t think it’s just so nafsi that I should have particular rights of mine observed by others (particularly keeping the place clean, especially not liking that dishes pile up in the kitchen for days!)  No one likes drama.  How does one deal with this?  Is putting up a sign asking to clean the place not enough?  Should I feel hurt that someone alters the message in such way that to mock me ‘do not leave a mess’ and someone erases the ‘not’).  How does one remain calm, does not come off as some of clean control freak, and keep that inner peace?

However, at the end of the day, I remember how I too may annoy people on some level or another.  Maybe not as a big a deal, but still, I am not perfect.  Perhaps I too have trudged on someone else’s right without realizing it.  In the end,  the person I am most annoyed and disappointed with is myself- for not always considering other people and not being able to just deal with my nafs and other people in a manner that is fitting.

Anony Sufi