Anony Sufi

I’ve gone AWOL.  Life has gotten me busy.

A lot has changed since I started this blog.  If it’s not one test, it’s another.

“God does not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear: in his favour shall be whatever good he does, and against him whatever evil he does.

“O our Sustainer! Take us not to task if we forget or unwittingly do wrong!

“O our Sustainer! Lay not upon us a burden such as Thou didst lay upon those who lived before us!* O our Sustainer! Make us not bear burdens which we have no strength to bear!

“And efface Thou our sins, and grant us forgiveness, and bestow Thy mercy upon us! Thou art our Lord Supreme: succour us, then, against people who deny the truth!” (Qur’an 2:286)

These are some of my favorite verses from the Qur’an, though sometimes in the midst of trials it is difficult to remember and hold on to these words.  You feel like you’re in a dark tunnel and you don’t even see the light at the end.  That’s probably the biggest trial- not knowing when it’ll be over.  It’s much more bearable if you know a week from now it’ll be done with, but where there is no end in sight, it’s so much easier to lose hope.

I ask Allah for hope.  And trust.

Of course it’s not always trials.  Even though a little over a year ago I was going through one of the biggest trials of my life, the past few months have been the happiest for me (despite the hiccups).  Allah blessed me with an amazing companion in the most beautiful of ways.

Tawakkul (Reliance on God) is probably my biggest weakness.  I never learn, though Allah has been so gracious to end my tribulations, and maybe that’s why Allah does not give me the light at the end– because He wants me to learn to trust Him, no matter how dark it is.

And so we fluctuate in our faith.  One day we feel like we’re the best Traveler and ready for the next challenge.  The next day may be one that is difficult.  This behooves us to reflect on why that is and how to come to terms.

Anony Sufi

With the spiritual struggle demanding patience and gratitude, I find it difficult to decipher what is constructive criticism and what is just pure whining. The city I live in has security, fairly adequate social services and facilitates the ability to acquire needed items for everyday living. Alhumdulilah wa biShukrillah, all praise and gratitude is due to God, for this blessing.

But there is a lot lacking. And what is lacking many times becomes frustrating, which sometimes I complain about either internally or externally. I remind myself, though, when I complain that I am drowning in God’s mercy and compassion and have been showered in immense blessing that I can actually enjoy unfettered and how theses blessings overwhelm any negativity, real or perceived, that I may encounter. But sometimes, there are major issues in this city, which is situated in a “developing” country, that really frustrate me and I feel obliged to point them out because they seem not only a hindrance or perhaps danger to me, but to others as well. And I think this last part concerning the effect of things on others is key in deciding between what is whining and what is constructive criticism.

A friend told me concerning drawing this line: “Legitimate critique demands improvement while useless whining demands only discontent.” I think this aphorism helps me answer my question well because if inwardly we are unsound and discontent, the sadness of the soul will be manifest outwardly because it will only see through the lens of unhappiness. However, if something legitimately needs to be fixed, then it should be pointed out, but this criticism should be coupled with constructive answers that can not only be grasped tangibly (in other words sans abstract theorizing) but also easily acted on. And this, I believe, then demands improvement, which is what in the end we are seeking.

Anony Sufi

Love is as much a bind as it is a separator. Through love we are bound to our beloved in the womb of welcoming grace and compassion. And through love, we are separated from all else by our sheer blindness to all else and our beholding of the one of ultimate concern, the one who is loved. It is this womb of blindness and beholding that we find ultimate refuge. We must remember, though, that any temporal love is limited by death.

Divine love is not, however, for the Loved is Eternally Besought, the All-Living and The Giver of Life. We as humans, the lovers, and what a beautiful and adorning title I wish to be honored with, must die unto ourselves and be revived in the Beloved’s Light. We must give up ourselves and surrender ourselves before entering the refuge of Divine Love, the womb, the repository, the abode of true Beauty. And this refuge of Love is a refuge of Mercy and Lutf (Gentle and Loving Kindness) because it is a womb that contains us, nourishes us, and molds us into the best of molds as our mother’s womb does. It is amazing how the word in the Arabic language “rahm,” or womb, is a derivative of the word “rahma,” or compassionate mercy.

It is amazing to think in this context of love’s refuge how significant the beginning of the prayer is when one says before the Fatiha, “I seek refuge in God from Satan the Accursed.” When we enter prayer, it is as if we have enterd a Divine Womb, a Divine Refuge and are blinded to all else except the All-Loving Lord. We are nourished in prayer and molded into the best of molds, the mold of ihsan, or spiritual excellence, which the Prophet, may God bless him and give him peace, described as “Worshiping God as though you see Him and if you do not see Him, know that He sees you.”

There is a hadith of the the beloved of God, Muhummad, may God’s blessings and peace be upon him, that goes as follows:

We were with the Messenger of God in one of his battles. He passed a tribe and asked, “Who is this tribe?” They replied, “We are Muslims.”

A woman was tending her oven. She had her son with her. When the flames of the oven shot up, she pulled back her son. Then she came to the Prophet. She said, “Are you the Messenger of God?” He said, “Yes.” She said, “I ask you by my father and my mother: Is God not the Most Merciful of merciful?” He replied, “Indeed He is.” She said, “Is God not more merciful to His servants than the mother is to her child?” He replied, “Indeed He is.” She said, “A mother would not throw her child into the fire.”

The Messenger of God looked down and began weeping. Then he raised his head to her and said, “Among His servants, God will only chastise the one who is defiant and rebellious, the one who rebels against God and refuses to say, “There is no god but God.”

Anony Sufi

The secret of the night is that it outwardly clarifies the beauty of what can be beheld inwardly. Although darkness abounds, it is in the night, that the light of Reality becomes clearly manifest to one through vigil and the abandonment of that which is abasing.

I have been for some time very fascinated by the whisper of prayer. It reminds me of a lover whispering something into his or her beloved’s ear, expressing intimate feelings of love and longing. There is a certain sweetness to “I love you” when it rings from the wells of one’s breathing.

I associate whispering with the night the most. A spouse comes home late after finishing up at work to find his or her spouse waiting up, ready to be united. Not to disturb the others in the house the husband and wife exchange whispers of love and longing. It is the same for the lovers of God.

I am not conscious of myself, nor of the world.
I sit entranced by Your beauty,
Ask the stars about the state of my life,
I remain awake at night, in Your contemplation.

After they, the lovers of God, finish up the day and make their retreat from the dunya, they stand in tahajjud late in the night whispering lines of love laced around the reality of intimacy (uns); simply put, the soul traces the pulse of the heart (qalb) in its being alone with The Alone. This is not the whisper of love poetry formated around the experience gained from mortals. Rather, this is experiential knowledge only the soul can swim in where exclaimed utterances of enrapture and annihilation fill the human being as the Words of The Beloved, the Qur’an, permate one’s contingent existence.

From my lessons with the Learned, it is tahajjud (night prayer) that they speak of the most glowingly. Two simple parts of prayer are what they stress bring the high fruits of the spiritual path lowered to one’s hand from which to pick, taste and savor. I urge myself with this reminder to abandon the comforts of sleep and awaken my soul to the Ultimate Reality, God, may He, Most High, be loved with all of my being and adored beyond the confines of temporal conceptions of ardor.

Anony Sufi

One of the purposes, or rather means, of tasawwuf (Sufism) is to learn to train your nafs (base self). You must learn to avoid those things that Allah does not like and engage in those things that pleases Allah. This takes a lot of self control and, depending on the situation, tawakkul (reliance on Allah). It is the inner struggle. In this month of Ramadan, a month of mercy, forgiveness, and worship, this is especially accentuated.

I had to make a sacrifice, hopefully only a temporary one. I can’t say how good it feels. As difficult as it may have been, I can already feel the baraka (spiritual blessing). At this point I can only pray that Allah blesses my intention and opens a door for something that does please Him. Despite the difficulty, I feel at ease and I pray that in a matter of time, the fruits of the sacrifice will bear fruit.

Oh Allah, bless us, have mercy on us, and forgive us in this month of Ramadan. You have opened the doors of paradise, locked away the devil, and showered your mercy on us. Allow us not to fall into a state of ingratitude, though we may be blind to Your countless blessings. Let us make the most benefit of this Ramadan and even though we be are so unworthy, rain your blessings on us even if we do not take advantage of this month. And finally, please let us live another year to see the next Ramadan. Ameen.

Anony Sufi

The soul is a dynamic entity that many people do not understand. We barely know our own selves, let alone enough to contemplate what the soul is.

Have you ever woken up in the morning and just wanted to cry because you were so overwhelmed? Not overwhelmed in the negative sense, quite the contrary. Allah has blessed you with so many blessings, most of them uncounted for. You are free of need, and sometimes even want. Our brains adapt to our surroundings and we start to take things for granted. The soul, however, never forgets and is always grateful because it holds fast to the fitra (primordial state).

I remember once at a gathering, a scholar told us that if you ever feel like crying in instances like this, then go ahead and cry. Tears are a sign of mercy and soften the heart. I’d like to add that they can remind us of what we should be grateful and our ignorance of what do not know what to be grateful for.

Anony Sufi

Our shaykh says that the hadra is for polishing the heart.

Allaha Allah Allaha…

Everyone in unison bowing. You need not look, but only feel.

Allaha Allah Allah…

Sometimes I have a hard time trying to focus on Allah. Think of Allah, think of Allah. Do not be distracted. Concentrate.

I took the advice of someone I know; paint a picture.

The Beloved                                                       My Shaykh

Allah

Ka’aba                                                            Prostration

Ma’rifa Fana’ Baqa’

Those who came before. Those present around me. Those yet to come.

TaHarqiiqqaa

Allaha Allah Allaha….

My eyes started to swell with tears.

Allaha Allah Allaha…

I thought of a dream I once had a few years ago of the Prophet (peace be upon him). I was in a quiet room and on the opposite side there he was with two men speaking to him. He was not paying attention to them, but looking at me with a straight face.

Allaha Allah Allah…

Before a trip to ‘umrah, I dreamed of my group circumbulating the Ka’ba and I saw the Prophet towering over us, but he was covered in a white cloak so I could not see him.

Allah Allah Allah…

My soul was fighting to escape my body. The tears were fighting to leave my eyes.

My hands started to tingle and the sensation started to go up my arms.

I juxtaposed the dreams and finally understood.

What the Sufis mean by Veils. The Veils between the Seeker and the One being sought.

ALLAH

Anony Sufi

Do not forget that joining the tariqa is not about becoming one of “us” or “them” or coming to a sense of belonging or finding your place in this world. The tariqa is a journey to God and nothing else. Meeting people, networking, feeling apart of something bigger are extra perks perhaps, but if those were to disappear, the purpose of being in the tariqa would not be diminished.

There are two types of people who embark on the spiritual journey.  The first group are those who do as much as they can on their own and reach as far as they can on their own before going to the shaykh.  Then there is the second group of weaklings who are unable to go anywhere and have little to no will power to accomplish anything on their own.  They seek the guidance of the shaykh because they need someone to keep them in check due to their lack of discipline.  The former group are of the foremost and I am of the latter.

I don’t know if I was ever really missed, but in the off chance I was, I have decided to come back.

In the past few weeks, there are several things I could have written about and it would be too much to say them all now. I have been busy lately but insha’Allah I will try to maintain this blog a bit more. Although it has been almost a year since my initiation and almost three years since I considered it, I am only starting to feel used to it. I feel like that toddler who is finally taking baby steps, but only to fall after a couple. But she gets back up and tries again. I am just starting to get the hang of it and I still trip. Hopefully in another year, I will be able to waddle with ease.

I think one thing I have been contemplating quite a bit is death. I do not mean this in a morbid way, but I have to admit I am curious. I have heard about several deaths lately (mostly young people) and along with the VT Shootings, I can not help to ponder.

Western culture usually associates death with sadness- and rightly so, but I have a different view. While I know I am not ready to meet my Creator and I admit I get scared, I am also very curious. We battle here on this earth left and right about the nature of existence and whether there is a God. But those who have passed, they know that secret. They know what we know not. That young innocent child who passed knows more about the world than the greatest of physicists. I find it absolutely fascinating!

I pictured myself passed, leaving the world, and meeting my Lord. Can you imagine it? Picture yourself standing in front of Him beholding His awesomeness. I do not really know my state with Him is, but I hope that I can earn His mercy, and if I do not earn it, that He will bless me with it anyway. What lies on the other side? The departed know.

Oh, God, please take me when I am most dearest to You.

Anony Sufi